All romance options in Fae Farm ranked from worst to best

Phoenix Labs
Phoenix Labs /
5 of 5
Phoenix Labs
Phoenix Labs /

1. Pyria

DO NOT JUDGE. I get it. Listen, I had a chance to preview this game well before it came out and I had already known that EVERYONE was going to be going after Pyria. But I got good reasons, man.

Okay, first off, yes, aesthetically she is everything. She’s got that retired Hot Topic manager cozy look where she’s chilling in the morning in her jams with a cup of coffee remembering back to when her store sold long vinyl coats and blasted Mindless Self Indulgence. I love it. I know a bunch of Hot Topic employees from the early days who went on to become this and I love it. It’s like it’s own special subsection of hot that shouldn’t exist but does.

But secondly, this one is going to be tough, while I love Fae Farm, it is not the most immersive game out there. Almost every single character mentions button presses at one point or another and the people in the market don’t sell you furniture, they sell you the information that you need to build it yourself. It would be like if you walked into a Burger King and asked for a Whooper and they gave you a piece of paper that said “2 Bread, 1 Burger Patty, 1 Lettuce, 1 Weird Sauce, 2 Onion, 3 Pickle, 1 Cheese”. I bring this up for a reason.

Pyria is sarcastic and kinda dark and one of her favorite things is to sometimes poke things in the world and make chill complaints about stuff while also hinting at things she loves. Pyria would probably judge you on some of your hobbies but she’s judge you with a funny roast and continue to love you. Pyria is the person you could sit with and people watch. Just falling back on a bench in a public place talking shit about people while being completely aware of how big of weirdos y’all look like sitting on a bench and just looking at everyone.

She doesn’t look all that capable. She doesn’t look like she’s going to be helping. But at the exact same time you’re on a place where everyone leaves everything to you anyways so the most important thing is who you get to spend time with and while she’s not killing monsters, she’s awesome at killing time and I love her for that.