Caution: As we’re going to discuss the various lives of Live a Live there are absolutely going to be spoilers. If you’re fine with that, go ahead and read on.
The Live a Live remake on the Nintendo Switch has been out for a bit and it is absolutely fantastic. But, more than likely, you’ve already read all the flowery stuff I have to say about this gem.
In the game, you start with seven lives to choose from. While there are more that get unlocked after you finish the main seven, we’re going to focus on these first seven and rank them because, honestly, what comes after is so vastly different it doesn’t feel fair to throw it in.
This is going to be a list of the main seven timelines, ranked from worst to best. So hop in the phone booth as we bounce around the time stream a bit over the next few pages.
If you don’t know, here are the seven timelines in chronological order first just to give you an idea of where we’re going:
- Imperial China
- Twilight of Edo Japan
- The Wild West
- Present Day
- The Near Future
- The Distant Future
Let’s go! Worst to best!
It had been such a long time since I played the original I barely remembered a lot of story points. For some reason I remembered almost NOTHING of Prehistory, now that I’ve replayed the remake, I can see why. It stinks.
I was curious about it as each of the seven timelines was written by a different manga writer and I was really curious to see what a controversial political theorist like Yoshinori Kobayashi would do when he was stuck with the prehistoric era. Turns out, not much.
Prehistory follows Pogo the green-haired caveman and his ape-like buddy Gori in one of the most cartoonish stories in the game. Pogo can fight with a club or poison enemies by farting. Gori is stronger but can also attack by afar by throwing poop. A rival tribe of cave people raid your town on Flintstones-esque stone cars. It’s…it’s a lot.
This is also the only story in the game that focuses heavily on fetch quests which I absolutely can’t stand.
To make matters worse, the story is terrible. There’s no dialogue so it’s mostly characters grunting and pointing. The final boss is Odo, a large dinosaur. And your primary motivation is saving a horny for food cavewoman who, upon saving at the end, has sex with your character whilst your buddy Gori impregnates an entire tribe of ape women. I’m not kidding.
My favorite part of the Prehistory chapter was checking it off and completing it to move on with the game.