How the PS5 prepared me for trying and failing to get vaccinated

For those who don’t know me well, I’m 40. Exactly 40. And normally I wouldn’t be happy about that, especially on the internet where I’m apparently comprised of slap bracelets, Pogs, and dust if memes gave me any indication of public perception. I hate it here.

But recently, Ohio gave me a reason to be happy about it. And when Ohio actually gives someone a reason to be happy you listen because, wow, is that rare.

Recently it was announced that on March 19th, anyone 40 years and and up could receive their COVID vaccination. The second I found out it was time, I went to apply. When I searched for places that were doing it, my first hit was a website that tracked where you could go.

“This looks so much like Tom’s Guide,” I thought to myself, then, joking. Tom’s Guide is a website used heavily by people looking desperately for things like new iPhones or next-gen systems. Personally, I’ve been living off of it for months in a desperate quest to get a PS5 in order to stay relevant in the realm of writing for games.

I clicked on a local pharmacy that I trust and got taken to a second website where I had to verify my location so it could help narrow down places that carry the vaccine. At this point, my wife, who is younger than me, was curiously watching as she awaits the day when she can get her vaccine as well. We joked about how similar a setup this was.

Eventually, I made it to a local pharmacy’s page. When I went to set up a date to get vaccinated I was met with a screen that looked like a loading screen. It let me know I was in a queue of people waiting to schedule an appointment. Below was a notification that being in the queue does not guarantee there will still be vaccines when it’s your turn.

I made a joke to my wife that this was the EXACT same setup as Sony’s page when they have PS5’s in stock. Same queue, same guarantee that your spot in line does not guarantee you anything. Luckily the waiting time was several minutes as opposed to the hour-and-a-half I had to wait in the queue on Sony’s site for the PS5.

Finally, I made it across the queue screen and I was allowed to schedule my appointment. I was given a calendar and was told to find an available day and click on it to schedule my appointment. Every day this month was crossed out. And the next month. And the next month after that. They were all unavailable.

I thought I had an error. I went back to the previous screen and got a different error. Then went forward and I got this:

They were… sold out? Well, not technically sold out; they were just completely booked.

I went back to the guide that shows available places and tried every other place. I even tried Walmart, a place I have made it a point to never step foot in and had so far succeeded. Every place was immediately booked.

I expanded my criteria to 50 miles. Nothing. All booked.

I remembered that downtown, in Cleveland, there was a college stadium that could have 500 people at a time inside and that they had a vaccination line around the block. I went there thinking, “Fine, I’ll have to wait in a massive line all day but at least I’ll get vaccinated.”

Booked for the foreseeable future.

I went on Facebook to make a joke about it to my fellow locals, and was met with a ton of posts from other people that were furious they couldn’t find a place. Just absolutely losing theirs minds. “The vaccine is incredibly important, why am I not losing my minds like they are?” I asked myself internally.

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I then realized I’ve been living on Tom’s Guide since January desperately trying to find a PS5. Every single day I check it multiple times hoping for something and getting nothing. Sony’s lack of supply combined with America’s absolute inability to enact the same anti-scalper regulations that better countries have nearly perfected for years had taken my patience, melted it down to slag and, by pouring in the appropriate amount of nihilism, smithed it into something like an impenetrable mental pig iron capable of withstanding the realization that I probably won’t be getting vaccinated for months.

So, in the span of one day, I went from suddenly being thankful for being 40 to suddenly being thankful for the discipline that Sony’s ineptitude had beaten into me like an abusive drill sergeant. Thanks for that, Sony. You may not be able to ever get me a PS5 but you made me okay with the possibility that I could still die at any moment and that’s almost equally as valuable.

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Trying and failing to get a PS5 prepared me for trying and failing to get vaccinated

By Eric Halliday | Mar 21, 2021