30th Anniversary: The 5 worst characters in Sonic history

Heavy Magician

Heavy Magician was one of Eggman’s henchmen in the Sonic Mania games. From the Mirage Saloon Zone she guarded the Phantom Gem. Before we talk into what made her suck, let’s talk about why she absolutely shouldn’t have.

So, Heavy Magician has three big powers at her disposal thanks to her Gem. She can become anyone ever and use their abilities (and there are some god-like people in that universe), she can pull any general enemy from her hat, and, she can swoop inside her own hat to teleport wherever. That’s a huge power set. If someone is stronger than you, just be them. If that doesn’t work throw robots everywhere and teleport away.

Now here’s the problem. Remember how I said she could be ANYONE? You know who she picks? She picks three. When you fight her you’ll encounter her using the powers of Fang the Sniper, Bean the Dynamite and Bark the Polar Bear. These characters are some of the biggest dorks in the Sonic Universe and only don’t exist on this list because Heavy Magician allows me to name them all in one go.

And if you don’t know who these characters are, that’s absolutely fine but for a minute I want you to think about the name “Bean the Dynamite” and try to picture what that character could be. Is it an actual bean? Is he holding dynamite?

Nope, Bean the Dynamite is a duck holding a bomb. Bean the Dynamite is neither a bean nor holding dynamite. Discuss.

She is like having the ability to conjure any video game in existence and you just use that power to get a box filled with Tiger Electronic Handhelds.

And, because I’m having a hard time coming up with a segue here, let me just say “Tiger Electronic”? Here’s another example of an animal mixed with electronics in our next entry! (Sorry)