Nintendo Switch Online: Reviewing February’s NES and Super NES new games

Eliminator Boat Duel – NES

Now this is… definitely a game that exists. A game from Sculpture Software and Radioactive Software from 1991 and licensed by Electro Brain this piece of software is the nicest s-word I can drop after “piece of” I could think of, and a charming pick over the alternative.

The game has absolutely no story and no explanation other than there are boats and you duel them. The second you start the game a hippy named “Aquarius Rex” gets uncomfortably close to you and says this to you.

Seconds later you see two boats with no sign of which one is yours (spoiler, you’re the red one). Once the race starts it switches to a top-down view as you get into a surprisingly jumpy race that plays similar to the classic Micro Machines NES game with all the charm gone. You slam into each other, jump over sticks, hit/collect people (I’m not sure what I did to that poor man) and try to stay in the lead.

As you get to the end the game switches to more of a third-person view as you struggle to stay ahead. Then, if you’re like me, you lose and you get to see a buff hippy get a trophy as your three-foot-tall character pouts in the corner. It’s about as fun as it is sensible and this game makes little to no sense.

Eliminator Boat Duel for the NES takes all the fun of the classic Micro Machines and turns it into a sad racer filled with weird uncles.